You're Having a What?
by Ulquiorrafangirl
Summary: You probably don't remeber me...but I'm. uh, pregnant...." NnoiUlqui, mpreg, eventual lemon, yaoi, fluff, angst, AU, etc etc! Don't like, don't read, kay?
1. Chapter 1

NnoiUlqui

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING!!!!!!**

**This was a little idea I had, cos I uploaded some drawings of mpreg children to my deviantart and felt inspired to write this fanfic! Yaoi, of course, mpreg, lemon, etc etc. Don't like, don't read, kay? AU and yes, in this world, men getting pregnant is possible! 8D**

Nnoitra lay face down on his bed, listening as he played the answering machine message again.

"Uhhh...um, err, hey. This is, er, Ulquiorra Schiffer? You probably don't remember me but, er, well, we became....acquainted, shall we say, three months ago. You probably don't remember, you were rather intoxicated. But anyway, I happy to be...um, well, pregnant. I doubt you care, but it's a big deal for me, so if we could meet up? Or not, whatever, I don't care. Bye...trash. Nngh-"

The sounds of sobbing at the end were probably not meant to be heard, but Nnoitra heard them all the same. The tall man groaned and flung a pillow over his head. What the hell was he supposed to do now? Of course he remembered Ulquiorra. You don't just forget someone like that. He was, well, beautiful, and funnily enough, the only one Nnoitra had ever taken to bed and considered seeing again. But that was not Nnoitra Jiruga's style. Once, never again. A long history of one night stands and broken hearts lay behind him.

But this kid was different. He was what, 16, 17? 18 at a push. Too young to be having a baby.

"Shit..."

The phone rang again. Nnoitra propped himself up on his elbows to check the caller ID. Grimmjow.

"Yo." came the bluenette's voice from the other end of the phone.

"Yo..." replied Nnoitra.

Grimmjow laughed.

"What's up? You sound like you just banged up a chick!"

"Not a chick..."

"YOUWHA???"

Nnoitra explained his predicament quickly, leaving out the bit about caring. He didn't care about the kid. Or the kid's kid. The kid was just another average, boring, gorgeous, perfect.....oh, whatever....

It took a while for Grimmjow to stop laughing. In fact, in also took quite a bit of bad language and threatening on Nnoitra's part.

"Dude, you better go meet with him and tell him to, I dunno, have an abortion."

"I'm NOT having him abort my baby!"

"You care?"

Nnoitra sat, stunned at his sudden outburst. He couldn't deny that Ulquiorra meant something to him, but why did the sprog mean anything to him. It's not like it was even alive yet. And he wasn't going to have anything to do with it, was he? Coughing, Nnoitra tried again.

"So, you think I should go meet with him?"  
Sensing it was better not to push it, Grimmjow answered nonchalantly.

"Yeah, I mean, you knocked him up, it's sorta your duty."

"Kay. See ya around Jeagerjaques."

"Over and out, Jiruga."

Ulquiorra sat on his bed, staring at his lap. The tears continued to pour down his face. How could he have been stupid enough to go to bed with the stupid man anyway? He trusted Nnoitra, he thought the man loved him back, but the next morning, the man was gone. He was alone again, as per usual.

"Arsehole. Trash."

Ulquiorra cried harder, thinking about the incident. And now look at him? Pregnant! Pregnant at 18! What sort of life was it going to be for him, or for the child? It wasn't like he had a family to lean back on any more.

"_No son of mine is going to be a fucking fag!"_

"_Get the hell out of my house! I never want to see you again!"_

"_You're DEAD to me! DEAD! So far as I'm concerned, you never existed!"_

_Ulquiorra stood, gathering together what remained of his shattered character, so he could walk out of that house with his head held high, while his parents and his brother Yammy hurled profanities at his retreating figure._

He was just 14 when that happened. He was lucky; a man named Urahara had taken him in, and, when he was about 16, had left and given him the house.

"_But Urahara-san! I can't accept this!"_

_Urahara laughed, and fluffed Ulquiorra's messy hair. The kid was quite cute when he didn't have that stoic expression on his face._

"_Kid, it's your home as much as mine!"_

"_But sir!"_

_But Urahara had already turned away. Ulquiorra watched him leave with a certain remorse. Urahara took him in. It felt weird after that to see him leave. _

_But Ulquiorra was used to disappointment._

He'd given Ulquiorra the chance to have his own life. And look what he'd done with it! Pregnant with the child of a man who didn't give a damn about anyone. Alone with no one to support him. What was he gonna do now?

Sometimes life was just so unfair.

Szayel Aporro Grantz sat, searching through his medical records.

"Schiffer, Schiffer...AHA!"

He pulled out a thin file labelled: Ulquiorra Schiffer. Ulquiorra's medical records. Glancing through it quickly, Szayel came across the sheet he was looking for.

"Well well well, Ulquiorra Schiffer....who've thought..."

Picking up his pink cell phone, Szayel quickly saved the number on Schiffer's contact details.

"I think I'll be paying you a little visit..."

**AN- So, what dya think? Also, if you wanna see he picture of the kid, there's a link to mah deviantart on my profile!**


	2. Chapter 2

You're Having a What? Part 2

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING!!!!**

**Part two of my first mpreg fic! Please do review! 8D**

Staring out at the clouded sky, Ulquiorra watched as the rain poured down the windows. It wasn't the nicest day to come out on. In fact, he would really rather be in bed. But the doctor, Dr...Grantz or something...he wanted to meet up. And he couldn't really say no, when it was a doctor. So he'd dragged himself out of bed to go to this coffee shop. Honestly, shouldn't he be meeting the doctor at his surgery, rather than such an informal place?

And it was full of people giving him strange looks. A pregnant young man on his own and he's only in his late teens, too young to be having a child. Trash. Just trash. Who were they to judge him? What did they know about him? Nothing. So how could they judge him? They should get on with their own meaningless lives and leave him to struggle through his.

"Ulquiorra?"

Ulquiorra's head snapped up. Standing by his tabled was a slim man with a shocking array of pink hair and large glasses. He wore a light pink coat and carried a soaking wet umbrella.

"Uh...."

"Hi!" the newcomer stuck out his hand by way of greeting, "I'm Dr Aporro Grantz."

A little stunned, Ulquiorra shook the doctor's hand rather limply. He hadn't expected him to be so casual. The raven-haired teenager watched as the man threw off his coat to reveal a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. Wasn't he supposed to be in a white coat? For crying out loud, weren't they meant to be in a surgery?! He pinched the bridge of his nose to keep him within reality.

"Well, I've heard quite a lot about you from Dr Kurosaki."

Ah yes, Ichigo Kurosaki, his GP. They went to the same school but usually they tried to keep their distance from one another. Ulquiorra had always had the sneaking suspicion Ichigo didn't like him because of the fact that Urahara took him in. But no matter. Ulquiorra made to speak, but he was interrupted.

"And rather a lot about a certain Nnoitra Jiruga, hm?"

The green-eyed boy's throat tightened. Nnoitra. Nnoitra. Nnoitra. That stupid, selfish, perfect, beautiful, horrible _trash_! He felt tears of rage (or was it pain) spring to his eyes.

"So where is the father of your child?"

Ulquiorra shook his head; he couldn't even utter the words. (He didn't want to accept it.)

"He stood you up, didn't he?"

He nodded in response.

"Tsk tsk, and such a pretty young thing, it's criminal! He must be a heartless bastard!"

Probably (not).

Oh shut up conscience.

"Tell you what, why don't you come out with me today? I can show you a good time, make you forget your troubles for a while!"

(Don't do it.)

Do it.

"Uh...sure?"

He really was rather beautiful. Those little green tear tracks made him look fragile, like a china doll that could break at any moment. And his collar length ebony hair contrasted faultlessly with his paper white skin. His face itself was flawless: those large emerald eyes, those delicate lips, that dainty nose. That little bit of colour on his cheeks from the cold weather.

Nnoitra had no idea what he was missing, Szayel smirked.

Grimmjow watched, frowning, as the pink-haired man dragged Ulquiorra down the road. What the hell was he doing near the kid? Ulquiorra was Nnoitra's! Or, he would be, soon as Nnoitra got his act together and spoke to him.

Grimmjow knew exactly who the man was. Szayel Aporro Grantz. Quite notorious actually. And if that was Ulquiorra hanging around with him, he was in deep, deep trouble. Quickly, he picked up his phone and dialled Nnoitra's number.

"WHUT?" Nnoitra answered, obviously irritated.

"Huston, we have a problem!"

"Grimmjow, what the fuck do you want?"

Grimmjow sucked in his breath. Honestly, the man really did think a lot of himself half the time.

"Look, you know Szayel?"

"Yeah, who doesn't?"

"He's with Ulquiorra."

"HE'S WHAT?"

"I'm two blocks away, get down here now." ordered Grimmjow, and hung up immediately.

Even in this kind of trouble, the bluenette couldn't help but laugh. Nnoitra Jiruga, who spent ages explaining to Grimmjow that the kid really wasn't his business and he didn't want someone holding him down, had just got so worried it was funny.

Pulling on his boots, Nnoitra grabbed at his car keys. He probably could have walked, but there was no time. If his Ulquiorra had been kidnapped by the maniac 'Doctor' Szayel, they were in deep shit. Deep shit. Of course, it might have been just rumours, but Nnoitra still didn't trust the pinkie with a dime. Besides, no one was allowed to lay a finger on what rightfully belong to him! Ulquiorra was his, and so was the child! And it was about time everyone, including Ulquiorra realised that.

"Why don't we look in here, Ulquiorra darling?"

"Uh-"

Before Ulquiorra could answer the question, a black Honda swerved in front of them, coming right on to the pavement! The younger man let out a small shriek of alarm, while Dr Grantz took the opportunity to pull the boy into his embrace.

The doors of the vehicle swung open and out stepped Nnoitra Jiruga and Grimmjow Jeagerjaques. Both marched straight at the couple on the sidewalk.

Opening his eyes, Ulquiorra saw something he never quite thought he'd see. Nnoitra. Grimmjow tore Szayel off the small figure, and Nnoitra wrapped his long arms around the newly freed teenager, pulling him as close as possible.

"I'm sorry Ulquiorra. I'll look after you, okay? I'll look after you and our child."

Ulquiorra stared up at the tall man. He'd been waiting for him to say that for so long. Taking a deep breath, Ulquiorra looked him straight in the eye.

"No."


	3. Chapter 3

NnoiUlqui- You're Having a What? Part 3

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING!**

**Part three, sorry it took so long....but here ya go! It's a really short chapter I'm afraid this one's pretty short! I'll write an extra long one next in compensation!**

Grimmjow stumbled over the piles of strewn clothes and take-out boxes that lay across the sitting room of Nnoitra Jiruga's apartment. Said man was sprawled across his sofa, playing his latest video game. Ordinarily, Grimmjow would have joined in (and beaten the crap outta him) but it wasn't ordinary more. Nnoitra had taken things too far, or rather, nowhere at all.

"OI!"

Nnoitra looked up briefly, only to see it was the bluenette. Not the raven-haired, intoxicating, gor-

Okay. Stop it. He doesn't want you, get OVER IT!

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing?!" Grimmjow spat.

Nnoitra gestured to the TV screen, and turned his attention back to it.

Okay, enough was enough. Grimmjow marched over to Nnoitra's side and punched the guy kicked the guy right where it hurts **(AN. .) **

"TO FUCK WITH YOUR FUCKING GAMES! YOU'RE GONNA BE A FUCKING FATHER AND YOU HAVEN'T EVEN FUCKING TRIED TO SEE THE FUCKING BEARER OF THIS FUCKING CHILD! AND ULQUIORRA FUCKING NEEDS YOU! AND YOU CAN'T EVEN BE FUCKING BOTHERED TO GO AND FUCKING MAKE IT UP TO HIM!"

Grimmjow had turned an uncommon shade of purple by then. Maybe it was stupid of him to get so riled up, i mean, it wasn't really his problem. But the truth was, Grimmjow had always liked the little Schiffer boy. Not in the way Nnoitra liked him, Ichigo would've had a fit, but the boy was so innocent, so fragile looking, it was hard not to like him. So when he saw that tiny little boy being pushed around, it just made him mad. Ulquiorra felt like a little brother to him, he'd gone to the same elementary school. Though Ulquiorra probably didn't even remember him.

After a long pause of Grimmjow stopping himself from hyperventilating, and Nnoitra trying to get over the pain from the muscle-bound man's kick.

"Look," he finally gasped, "Look, he said no. No matter how much I like him, there's nothing I can do."

"There is one thing you can do..."

Nnoitra glanced up to meet the cerulean eyes.

"Tell me."

"You're gonna win him back."

XXXX

Ulquiorra stared hard at the cell phone on his bedside cabinet. Still nothing. It had been two weeks and nothing at all.

(Did tell him to leave)

But he might've called. It's his baby too.

(Did make it clear that he wasn't needed)

The short man rolled over, sighing heavily. God, this pregnancy thing wouldn't even let him sleep. It was so unfair. Sometimes he just didn't have the energy to get up in the mornings. This was why he was so grateful for Szayel.

Szayel would never feel like more than a friend really. He knew the pink-haired man thought their relationship was something more, but it could never be. Deep down Ulquiorra knew he would always love Nnoitra, piece of trash that he was.

XXXX

Oh, he loved his science. Szayel glanced through the pictures in the file. So many specimens, all so beautiful. And all his. A maniac, they called him. A psychopath. But they had no proof. Szayel wasn't called a genius for nothing. He knew exactly how to cover his tracks.

So many wails, music to his ears. And he now had a new pet. Szayel leaned back in his chair.

What would Ulquiorra look like _inside?_

XXXX

Grimmjow stared blankly down at the piece of paper. Nnoitra was busy tidying up the apartment, and letting the entire block know he wasn't happy about it.

"FUCK IT! Why do i have to do ALL THIS for some guy who's already FUCKING rejected me?!"

"Cos he didn't really reject you and you're gonna be a father so GET YOU'RE FUCKING ACT TOGETHER!"

Grimmjow sat down hurriedly, on the newly cleaned couch before he completely lost it with Nnoitra. Geez, was the guy really so dense as to think Ulquiorra had really rejected him. He was obviously ju- okay Grimmjow, no thinking like a chick. Honestly, he was spending too much time with Ichigo and his sisters.

Nnoitra feel back on to the sofa next to the bluenette. He looked rather abashed. Slipping the paper from Grimmjow's hands and unfolded it. It read:

_Winning back Ulquiorra_

_Gifts (romantic ones of course)_

_Love letters/poems_

_Dates_

_Evidence of reform_

"Dude!!!" yelled Nnoitra, "This is the STUPIDEST thing I've EVER read! It's cissy! I'm not gonna do it!"

"DO YOU WANT ULQUIORRA SENT BACK TO YOU IN PIECES?!"

Nnoitra was silent. Grimmjow had a point. If Ulquiorra stayed with Szayel, the result would not be pretty... But the guy had wounded his pride! And that wasn't something he was going to get over easily. Then again, he did love- No! What was he thinking?! Love?! Nothing of the kind! No!

But he did...

"Alright, I'll do it, but just to get you off my back.

XXXX


End file.
